Dear Abby posted these today and I thought I would share. It's very important that if you or someone you know is with someone exhibiting these traits that you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or http://www.thehotline.org/.
Don't become a statistic after it's too late - and don't think that you can change them!
PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never
felt loved like this by anyone." A n abuser pressures the new partner
for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly;
prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone";
checks the mileage on your car.
(3) CONTROLLING: If you are late,
interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you
were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or
(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses
people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may
deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a
(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.
MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You
make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me
by not doing what I tell you."
(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily
insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants
about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally.
Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability
(whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they
cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also
(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys
throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex;
finds the idea of rape exciting.
(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly
criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you
ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with
relentless verbal abuse.
(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll
kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way,"
or "I didn't really mean it."
Please feel free to pass this on!